Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of May, 2012

HOGAN'S HEROES DRINKING GAME -- Take a shot every...
HOGAN'S HEROES DRINKING GAME -- Take a shot every time: -- Sergeant Schultz says, "I knoooooowww nooooothing!" -- General Burkhalter or Major Hochstetter intimidate/insult Colonel Klink. -- Colonel Klink falls for Colonel Hogan's...

Emerson's Law of Contrariness: Our chief want in life...
Emerson's Law of Contrariness: Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.

The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal...
The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex. I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile. -- Ogden Nash

May those that love us love us; and those that don't love us,...
May those that love us love us; and those that don't love us, may God turn their hearts; and if he doesn't turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles so we'll know them by their limping.

People think love is an emotion. Love is good sense...
People think love is an emotion. Love is good sense. -- Ken Kesey

We found on St. Paul's only two kinds of birds -- the booby...
We found on St. Paul's only two kinds of birds -- the booby and the noddy... Both are of a tame and stupid disposition, and are so unaccustomed to visitors, that I could have killed any number of them with my geological hammer. -- Charles...

You will obey or molten silver will be poured into your ears.
You will obey or molten silver will be poured into your ears.

While Titian was mixing rose madder, His model reclined on...
While Titian was mixing rose madder, His model reclined on a ladder. Her position to Titian Suggested coition, So he leapt up the ladder and had 'er.

There was once a programmer who was attached to the court...
There was once a programmer who was attached to the court of the warlord of Wu. The warlord asked the programmer: "Which is easier to design: an accounting package or an operating system?" "An operating system," replied...

A man is not complete until he is married -- then he...
A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished.