Humor: Best of Fortunes for Sunday July 5, 2015

There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

Q: Why did the astrophysicist order three hamburgers? A: ...
Q: Why did the astrophysicist order three hamburgers? A: Because he was hungry.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To see...
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To see his friend Gregory peck. Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground? A: To get to the other slide.

Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope? A: To...
Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope? A: To get to the other slide.

Q: Why did the lone ranger kill Tonto? A: He found...
Q: Why did the lone ranger kill Tonto? A: He found out what "kimosabe" really means.

Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road? A: Because...
Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road? A: Because it was on the other side.

Q: Why do ducks have big flat feet? A: To stamp...
Q: Why do ducks have big flat feet? A: To stamp out forest fires. Q: Why do elephants have big flat feet? A: To stamp out flaming ducks.