Humor: Best of Fortunes for Thursday July 30, 2015

There once was a girl from Decatur, Who got laid by a...
There once was a girl from Decatur, Who got laid by a big alligator. Now nobody knew The result of that screw, 'Cause after he laid her, he ate her.

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny. Just to be couth, He added vermouth, And slipped his girlfriend a martini.

Some primal termite knocked on wood. And tasted it, and found...
Some primal termite knocked on wood. And tasted it, and found it good. And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today. -- Ogden Nash

There once was a Sailor who looked through a glass And spied...
There once was a Sailor who looked through a glass And spied a fair mermaid with scales on her... island. Where seagulls flew over their nest. She combed the long hair which hung over her... shoulders. And caused her to tickle and itch. The sailor cried...