Humor: Best of Fortunes for Tuesday October 22, 2019

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney So just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his best girl a martini.

Dear Miss Manners: My home economics teacher says that...
Dear Miss Manners: My home economics teacher says that one must never place one's elbows on the table. However, I have read that one elbow, in between courses, is all right. Which is correct? Gentle Reader: For the purpose of answering...

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny. Just to be couth, He added vermouth, And slipped his girlfriend a martini.

There once was a man named Parridge With peculiar views...
There once was a man named Parridge With peculiar views on marriage. He sucked off his brother, Fucked his own mother, And gobbled his sister's miscarriage.

There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in...
There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in his cave. She was ugly as shit, And missing one tit, But think of the money he saves.

There once was a plumber from Leigh Who was plumbing his maid...
There once was a plumber from Leigh Who was plumbing his maid by the sea. Said she, "Please stop plumbing, I think someone's coming!" Said he, "Yes, I know love, it's me."

There once was a pretty young Mrs. Whose tearful but short...
There once was a pretty young Mrs. Whose tearful but short story thrs. Her mind lost its grasp - Now she thinks she's an asp And just sits in the corner and hrs.

The Preacher, the Politician, the Teacher, Were each...
The Preacher, the Politician, the Teacher, Were each of them once a kiddie. A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature. Do I want one? God Forbiddie! -- Ogden Nash