Humor: Best of Fortunes for Wednesday October 9, 2019

There once was a fellow named Sweeney Who spilled gin all over...
There once was a fellow named Sweeney Who spilled gin all over his weenie. Not being uncouth, He added vermouth And slipped his amour a martini.

There once was a freshman named Lin, Whose tool was as thin...
There once was a freshman named Lin, Whose tool was as thin as a pin, A virgin named Joan From a bible belt home, Said "This won't be much of a sin."

There once was a gaucho named Bruno, Who said, "About sex,...
There once was a gaucho named Bruno, Who said, "About sex, well, I do know, Sheep are just fine, Chickens, divine, But iguanas are Numero Uno."

There once was a girl from Decatur, Who got laid by a...
There once was a girl from Decatur, Who got laid by a big alligator. Now nobody knew The result of that screw, 'Cause after he laid her, he ate her.

There once was a man from Calcutta Who used to beat off in...
There once was a man from Calcutta Who used to beat off in the gutta The heat of the sun Affected his gun And turned all his cream into butta!

There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney So just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his best girl a martini.

There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long...
There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long he could suck it. But he looked in the glass, And saw his own ass, And broke his neck trying to fuck it.

There was a young man of Devizes Whose balls were of different...
There was a young man of Devizes Whose balls were of different sizes. His tool when at ease, Hung down to his knees, Oh, what must it be when it rises!