Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday August 12, 2019

There once was a man from Nantee Who buggered an ape in...
There once was a man from Nantee Who buggered an ape in a tree. The results were most horrid All ass and no forehead Three balls and a purple goatee.

There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed...
There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed in his Dodge. When his date was strapped in, He committed a sin, without ever leaving the garage.

There once was a man with a hernia Who said to his doctor,...
There once was a man with a hernia Who said to his doctor, "Gol dern ya, When you work on my middle Be sure you don't fiddle With things that do not concern ya."

There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in...
There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in his cave. She was ugly as shit, And missing one tit, But think of the money he saves.

There once was a plumber from Leigh Who was plumbing his maid...
There once was a plumber from Leigh Who was plumbing his maid by the sea. Said she, "Please stop plumbing, I think someone's coming!" Said he, "Yes, I know love, it's me."

There once was a pretty young Mrs. Whose tearful but short...
There once was a pretty young Mrs. Whose tearful but short story thrs. Her mind lost its grasp - Now she thinks she's an asp And just sits in the corner and hrs.

There once was a queen of Bulgaria Whose bush had grown hairier...
There once was a queen of Bulgaria Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier, Till a prince from Peru Who came up for a screw Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.

The Road goes ever on and on Down from the door where...
The Road goes ever on and on Down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, And I must follow, if I can, Pursuing it with eager feet, Until it joins some larger way Where many paths and errands meet. And whither then? I cannot say...