Humor: Best of Fortunes for Friday December 25, 2020

When I was a baby, my penis Was as white as the buttocks...
When I was a baby, my penis Was as white as the buttocks of Venus. But now 'this as red As her nipples instead-- All because of the feminie genus!

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather...
In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours. -- Mark Twain, on New England weather

In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years...
In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore ... in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long ... seven...

It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things...
It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important. -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Case of Identity"

It is a wise father that knows his own child...
It is a wise father that knows his own child. -- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"

It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have...
It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either. -- Mark Twain

It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There...
It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it. -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's...