Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday March 2, 2020

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

There was a young lad name of Durcan Who was always jerkin'...
There was a young lad name of Durcan Who was always jerkin' his gherkin. His father said, "Durcan! Stop jerkin' your gherkin! Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.

There was a young lady from Bright, Whose speed was much faster...
There was a young lady from Bright, Whose speed was much faster than light. She went out one day In a relative way And returned on the previous night.

There was a young lady from Hyde Who ate a green apple...
There was a young lady from Hyde Who ate a green apple and died. While her lover lamented The apple fermented And made cider inside her inside.

There was a young lady from Norway Who hung by her heels in...
There was a young lady from Norway Who hung by her heels in a doorway. She told her young man, "Get off the divan, I think I've discovered one more way "

There was a young lady from Prentice Who had an affair with...
There was a young lady from Prentice Who had an affair with a dentist. To make things easier He used anesthesia, And diddled her, `non compos mentis'.

There was a young man of Khartoum, The strength of whose balls...
There was a young man of Khartoum, The strength of whose balls was his doom. So strong was his shootin', The third law of Newton Propelled the poor chap to the Moon.

There was a young man of Kildare Who was fucking a girl on...
There was a young man of Kildare Who was fucking a girl on the stair. The bannister broke, But he doubled his stroke And finished her off in mid-air.

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't...
Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town? -- Mark Twain, "Huckleberry Finn"

Let us go then you and I while the night is laid out against...
Let us go then you and I while the night is laid out against the sky like a smear of mustard on an old pork pie. "Nice poem Tom. I have ideas for changes though, why not come over?" -- Ezra