Freebsd Fortunes 3

Hartley's First Law:
        You can lead a horse to water, but if you can
        get him to float on his back, you've got something.

Hartley's Second Law:
        Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

HARTLEY'S SECOND LAW:
        Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

My corollary:
        The completely psychotic have all the fun.

Harvard Law:
        Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure,
        temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the
        organism will do as it damn well pleases.

HARVARD:
Quarterback:
        Sophomore Dave Strewzinski... likes to pass.  And pass he does, with
a record 86 attempts (three completions) in 87 plays....  Though Strewzinksi
has so far failed to score any points for the Crimson, his jackrabbit speed
has made him the least sacked quarterback in the Ivy league.
Wide Receiver:
        The other directional signal in Harvard's offensive machine is senior
Phil Yip, who is very fast.  Yip is so fast that he has set a record for being
fast.  Expect to see Yip elude all pursuers and make it into the endzone five
or six times, his average for a game.  Yip, nicknamed "fumblefingers" and "you
asshole" by his teammates, hopes to carry the ball with him at least one of
those times.
YALE:
Defense:
        On the defensive side, Yale boasts the stingiest line in the Ivies.
Primarily responsible are seniors Izzy "Shylock" Bloomberg and Myron
Finklestein, the tightest ends in recent Eli history.  Also contributing to
the powerful defense is junior tackle Angus MacWhirter, a Scotsman who rounds
out the offensive ethnic joke.  Look for these three to shut down the opening
coin toss.
                -- Harvard Lampoon 1988 Program Parody, distributed at The Game

Has anyone ever tasted an "end"?  Are they really bitter?

"Has anyone had problems with the computer accounts?"
"Yes; I don't have one."
"Okay, you can send mail to one of the tutors..."
                -- E. D'Azevedo, CS, University of Washington

Has anyone realized that the purpose of the fortune cookie program is to
defuse project tensions?  When did you ever see a cheerful cookie, a
non-cynical, or even an informative cookie?
        Perhaps inadvertently, we have a channel for our aggressions.  This
still begs the question of whether the cookie releases the pressure or only
serves to blunt the warning signs.

        Long live the revolution!
        Have a nice day.

Has everyone noticed that all the letters of the word "database" are typed
with the left hand?  Now the layout of the QWERTYUIOP typewriter keyboard
was designed, among other things, to facilitate the even use of both hands.
It follows, therefore, that writing about databases is not only unnatural,
but a lot harder than it appears.

Has the great art and mystery of politics no apparent utility? Does it
appear to be unqualifiedly ratty, raffish, sordid, obscene and low down,
and its salient virtuosi a gang of unmitigated scoundrels?  Then let us
not forget its high capacity to soothe and tickel the midriff, its
incomparable services as a maker of entertainment.
                -- H.L. Mencken, "A Carnival of Buncombe"