Freebsd Fortunes 5

Q:      How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug?
A:      Four.  Two in the front, two in the back.

Q:      How can you tell if an elephant is in your refrigerator?
A:      There's a footprint in the mayo.

Q:      How can you tell if two elephants are in your refrigerator?
A:      There's two footprints in the mayo.

Q:      How can you tell if three elephants are in your refrigerator?
A:      The door won't shut.

Q:      How can you tell if four elephants are in your refrigerator?
A:      There's a VW Bug in your driveway.

Q:      How many hardware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:      None.  We'll fix it in software.

Q:      How many system programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:      None.  The application can work around it.

Q:      How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:      None.  We'll document it in the manual.

Q:      How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:      None.  The user can figure it out.

Q:      How many Harvard MBA's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:      Just one.  He grasps it firmly and the universe revolves around him.

Q:      How many IBM 370's does it take to execute a job?
A:      Four, three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.

Q:      How many IBM CPU's does it take to do a logical right shift?
A:      33.  1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.

Q:      How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A:      Fifteen.  One to do it, and fourteen to write document number
        GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility,
        of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally
        left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A:.....
        consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".

Q:      How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:      Three.  One to report it as an inspired government program to bring
        light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot
        to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a Pulitzer prize for
        reporting that Electric Company hired a lightbulb-assassin to break
        the bulb in the first place.

Q:      How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:      One.  Only it's his light bulb when he's done.

Q:      How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:      Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed
from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed
upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of
the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating
at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of
the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the
second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the
parties.
        The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be
limited to, the following.  The party of the first part shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other
means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party
of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered
non-negotiable.  Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall
have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner
consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part
shall have the option of beginning installation.  Aforesaid installation shall
occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in
step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation
should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the
first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to
produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.

Q:      How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:      You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb.  Now, if
        you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...