Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of October, 2013

There once was a man from Sandem Who was making his girl on...
There once was a man from Sandem Who was making his girl on a tandem. At the peak of the make She jammed on the brake And scattered his semen at random.

There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed...
There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed in his Dodge. When his date was strapped in, He committed a sin, without ever leaving the garage.

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney So just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his best girl a martini.

There was a young lady of Gaza Who shaved her cunt bare with...
There was a young lady of Gaza Who shaved her cunt bare with a razor. The crabs, in a lump, Made tracks to her rump - This passing parade did amaze her.

There was a young man from Seattle Whose testicles tended...
There was a young man from Seattle Whose testicles tended to rattle. He said as he fuck-ed Some stones in a bucket, "If Stravinsky won't deafen you -- that'll."

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

C, n.: A programming language that is sort of like...
C, n.: A programming language that is sort of like Pascal except more like assembly except that it isn't very much like either one, or anything else. It is either the best language available to the art today, or it isn't. --...

For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin...
For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.

You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with...
You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting needles. -- Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food

A good supervisor can step on your toes without messing up your...
A good supervisor can step on your toes without messing up your shine.