Freebsd Fortunes

You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting
needles.
                -- Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food

You first have to decide whether to use the short or the long form.
The short form is what the Internal Revenue Service calls "simplified",
which means it is designed for people who need the help of a Sears
tax-preparation expert to distinguish between their first and last
names.  Here's the complete text:

        "(1) How much did you make?  (AMOUNT)
        "(2) How much did we here at the government take out?  (AMOUNT)
        "(3) Hey!  Sounds like we took too much!  So we're going to
             send an official government check for (ONE-FIFTEENTH OF
             THE AMOUNT WE TOOK) directly to the (YOUR LAST NAME)
             household at (YOUR ADDRESS), for you to spend in any way
             you please! Which just goes to show you, (YOUR FIRST
             NAME), that it pays to file the short form!"

The IRS wants you to use this form because it gets to keep most of your
money.  So unless you have pond silt for brains, you want the long
form.
                -- Dave Barry, "Sweating Out Taxes"

You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.

You have acquired a scroll entitled 'irk gleknow mizk'(n).--More--

This is an IBM Manual scroll.--More--

You are permanently confused.
                -- Dave Decot

You have an unusual magnetic personality.  Don't walk too close to
metal objects which are not fastened down.

You have junk mail.

You have the body of a 19 year old.  Please return it before it gets
wrinkled.

You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.  You'll learn a lot
today.

You know if they ever find a way to harness sarcasm as an energy source,
you people are all going to owe me big.
                -- Bill Paul

You know it's going to be a bad day when you want to put on the clothes
you wore home from the party and there aren't any.