Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Sunday April 9, 2017

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

A gifted young fellow from Sparta Was widely renowned as...
A gifted young fellow from Sparta Was widely renowned as a farta'. He could fart anything From "Of Thee I Sing," To Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata."

There once was a couple named Kelly Who walked around...
There once was a couple named Kelly Who walked around belly-to-belly. It seems in their haste, They used Carter's paste Instead of petroleum jelly.

There once was a man from Sandem Who was making his girl on...
There once was a man from Sandem Who was making his girl on a tandem. At the peak of the make She jammed on the brake And scattered his semen at random.

There once was a man named McGruder, Who canoed with a girl...
There once was a man named McGruder, Who canoed with a girl in Bermuder. But the girl thought it crude, To be wooed in the nude, So McGru took an oar and subduder.

There once was a spaceman named Spock Who had a huge Vulcanized...
There once was a spaceman named Spock Who had a huge Vulcanized cock. A girl from Missouri Whose name was Uhura Just fainted away from the shock.

There once was a young man from France Who waited ten years...
There once was a young man from France Who waited ten years for his chance; Then he muffed it...

There was a gay countess of Bray, And you may think it odd when...
There was a gay countess of Bray, And you may think it odd when I say, That in spite of high station, Rank and education, She always spelled cunt with a 'k'.

There was a young damsel named Baker Who was poked in a pew...
There was a young damsel named Baker Who was poked in a pew by a Quaker. He yelled, "My God! what Do you call this -- a twat? Why, the entrance is more than an acre!"

There was a young fellow named Kimble Whose prick...
There was a young fellow named Kimble Whose prick was exceedingly nimble, But fragile and slender, And dainty and tender, So he kept it encased in a thimble.

There was a young girl from Annista Who dated a lecherous...
There was a young girl from Annista Who dated a lecherous mister. He fondled her titty, Got one finger shitty, Then screwed up his courage and kissed 'er.

I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm...
I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm older than most western countries. -- George Burns

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park...
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. -- Steven Wright

I'll be comfortable on the couch. Famous last words...
I'll be comfortable on the couch. Famous last words. -- Lenny Bruce