Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of July, 2020

There once was a man named Parridge With peculiar views...
There once was a man named Parridge With peculiar views on marriage. He sucked off his brother, Fucked his own mother, And gobbled his sister's miscarriage.

There was a young man of Devizes Whose balls were of different...
There was a young man of Devizes Whose balls were of different sizes. His tool when at ease, Hung down to his knees, Oh, what must it be when it rises!

The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork...
The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig. -- Ogden Nash

I watch television because you don't know what it will do...
I watch television because you don't know what it will do if you leave it in the room alone.

A corpulent maiden named Kroll Had a notion exceedingly droll: ...
A corpulent maiden named Kroll Had a notion exceedingly droll: At a masquerade ball, Dressed in nothing at all, She backed in as a Parker House roll.

A lady both callous and brash Met a man with a vast black...
A lady both callous and brash Met a man with a vast black moustache; She cried, "Shave it, O do! And I'll put it with glue On my hat as a sort of panache." -- Edward Gorey

A playful young chemist named Byrd Had an urge that could...
A playful young chemist named Byrd Had an urge that could not be deferred. So to irritate Knox He shit in his sox, And plastered the walls with his turd.

A sailor who slept in the sun, Woke to find his fly buttons...
A sailor who slept in the sun, Woke to find his fly buttons undone, He remarked with a smile, "Good grief, a sun-dial! And now it's a quarter-past one."

According to experts, the oyster In its shell - a crustacean...
According to experts, the oyster In its shell - a crustacean cloister - May frequently be Either he or a she Or both, if it should be its choice ter.

In the little French town of Le'Beau, Lived a maiden...
In the little French town of Le'Beau, Lived a maiden exceedingly droll. At a masquerade ball, Clad in nothing at all, She backed in as a Parker house roll.