Freebsd Fortunes 6

Two men came before Nasrudin when he was magistrate.  The first man said,
"This man has bitten my ear -- I demand compensation."  The second man said,
"He bit it himself."  Nasrudin withdrew to his chambers, and spent an hour
trying to bite his own ear.  He succeeded only in falling over and bruising
his forehead.  Returning to the courtroom, Nasrudin pronounced, "Examine
the man whose ear was bitten.  If his forehead is bruised, he did it himself
and the case is dismissed.  If his forehead is not bruised, the other man
did it and must pay three silver pieces."

Two men look out through the same bars; one sees mud, and one the stars.

Two men were sitting over coffee, contemplating the nature of things,
with all due respect for their breakfast.  "I wonder why it is that
toast always falls on the buttered side," said one.
        "Tell me," replied his friend, "why you say such a thing.  Look
at this."  And he dropped his toast on the floor, where it landed on the
dry side.
        "So, what have you to say for your theory now?"
        "What am I to say?  You obviously buttered the wrong side."

Two peanuts were walking through the New York.  One was assaulted.

Two percent of zero is almost nothing.

Two rights don't make a wrong, they make an airplane.

Two Russian friends happen to meet in Red Square.  One of them says, "By
the way, did you hear that Romanov died?"
        "No," replied the other, "I didn't even know he'd been arrested!"

Two sure ways to tell a REALLY sexy man; the first is, he has a bad memory.
I forget the second.

Two Swedish guys get of a ship and head for the nearest bars.  Each one
orders two vodkas and immediately downs them.  They they order two more
and once again quickly throw them back.  They then order two more.  When
they arrive, one of them picks up his glass, and, turning to the other,
toasts him, "Skoal!"
        The other turns to the first man and scolds, "Hey!  Did you come
here to screw around, or did you come here to drink?"

Two wrongs are only the beginning.
                -- Kohn