Freebsd Fortunes 6

The number of feet in a yard is directly proportional to the success
of the barbecue.

The number of licorice gumballs you get out of a gumball machine
increases in direct proportion to how much you hate licorice.

The number of UNIX installations has grown to 10, with more expected.
                -- The Unix Programmer's Manual, 2nd Edition, June 1972

The NY Times is read by the people who run the country.  The Washington Post
is read by the people who think they run the country.   The National Enquirer
is read by the people who think Elvis is alive and running the country.
                -- Robert Woodhead

The objective of all dedicated employees should be to thoroughly analyze
all situations, anticipate all problems prior to their occurrence, have
answers for these problems, and move swiftly to solve these problems
when called upon.
        However...
When you are up to your ass in alligators it is difficult to remind
yourself your initial objective was to drain the swamp.

The odds are a million to one against your being one in a million.

The Official Colorado State Vegetable is now the "state legislator".

The Official MBA Handbook on business cards:

        Avoid overly pretentious job titles such as "Lord of the
        Realm, Defender of the Faith, Emperor of India" or "Director
        of Corporate Planning."

The Official MBA Handbook on doing company business on an airplane:

        Do not work openly on top-secret company cost documents unless
        you have previously ascertained that the passenger next to you
        is blind, a rock musician on mood-ameliorating drugs, or the
        unfortunate possessor of a forty-seventh chromosome.

The Official MBA Handbook on the use of sunlamps:

        Use a sunlamp only on weekends.  That way, if the office wise guy
        remarks on the sudden appearance of your tan, you can fabricate
        some story about a sun-stroked weekend at some island Shangri-La
        like Caneel Bay.  Nothing is more transparent than leaving the
        office at 11:45 on a Tuesday night, only to return an Aztec sun
        god at 8:15 the next morning.