Humor: Best of Fortunes for Tuesday February 11, 2014

A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling ...
A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling by Mark Twain For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x"...

A Severe Strain on the Credulity As a method of sending...
A Severe Strain on the Credulity As a method of sending a missile to the higher, and even to the highest parts of the earth's atmospheric envelope, Professor Goddard's rocket is a practicable and therefore promising device. It is when one considers...

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning...
Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. -- Douglas Adams, "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe"

Pittsburgh Driver's Test (7) The car directly in front of...
Pittsburgh Driver's Test (7) The car directly in front of you has a flashing right tail light but a steady left tail light. This means (a) one of the tail lights is broken; you should blow your horn to call the problem to...

William Safire's Rules for Writers: Remember to never split...
William Safire's Rules for Writers: Remember to never split an infinitive. The passive voice should never be used. Do not put statements in the negative form. Verbs have to agree with their subjects. Proofread carefully to see if you words out...

A green-thumbed young farmer from Leeds Once swallowed...
A green-thumbed young farmer from Leeds Once swallowed a package of seeds. In a month, his ass Was covered with grass And his balls were grown over with weeds.

There was a young girl of Newcastle Whose charms were declared...
There was a young girl of Newcastle Whose charms were declared universal. While one man in front Wired into her cunt, Another was engaged at her arsehole.

A rose is a rose is a rose. Just ask Jean Marsh, known...
A rose is a rose is a rose. Just ask Jean Marsh, known to millions of PBS viewers in the '70s as Rose, the maid on the BBC export "Upstairs, Downstairs." Though Marsh has since gone on to other projects, ... it's with Rose she's forever...