Humor: Best of Fortunes for Wednesday May 4, 2016

How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru...
How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? -- UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey, Brian Boyle

There was a young man from Glengozzle Who found a remarkable...
There was a young man from Glengozzle Who found a remarkable fossil. He knew by the bend And the wart on the end, 'Twas the peter of Paul the Apostle.

There was a young man of Bengal Who swore he had only...
There was a young man of Bengal Who swore he had only one ball, But two little bitches Unbuttoned his britches, And found he had no balls at all.

Q: Why don't Scotsmen ever have coffee the way they like...
Q: Why don't Scotsmen ever have coffee the way they like it? A: Well, they like it with two lumps of sugar. If they drink it at home, they only take one, and if they drink it while visiting, they always take three.

Meanehwael, baccat meaddehaele, monstaer lurccen; Fulle few...
Meanehwael, baccat meaddehaele, monstaer lurccen; Fulle few too many drincce, hie luccen for fyht. [D]en Hreorfneorht[d]hwr, son of Hrwaerow[p]heororthwl, AEsccen aewful jeork to steop outsyd. [P]hud! Bashe! Crasch! Beoom! [D]e bigge gye Eallum...

Oh give me your pity! I'm on a committee, ...
Oh give me your pity! I'm on a committee, We attend and amend Which means that from morning And contend and defend to night, Without a conclusion in sight. We confer and concur, We defer...