Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday May 30, 2016

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.

A corpulent maiden named Kroll Had a notion exceedingly droll: ...
A corpulent maiden named Kroll Had a notion exceedingly droll: At a masquerade ball, Dressed in nothing at all, She backed in as a Parker House roll.

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ======================== There...
=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ======================== There has been some confusion concerning MAPCAR. (DEFUN MAPCAR (&FUNCTIONAL FCN &EVAL &REST LISTS) (PROG (V P LP) (SETQ P (LOCF V)) L ...

The nation that controls magnetism controls the universe...
The nation that controls magnetism controls the universe. -- Chester Gould/Dick Tracy

The boy stood on the burning deck, Eating peanuts by...
The boy stood on the burning deck, Eating peanuts by the peck. His father called him, but he could not go, For he loved those peanuts so.