Humor: Best of Fortunes for Sunday May 13, 2018

"I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial...
"I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV."

Idiot, n.: A member of a large and powerful tribe whose...
Idiot, n.: A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

BEAUTY: What's in your eye when you have a bee in your...
BEAUTY: What's in your eye when you have a bee in your hand.

Be sociable. Speak to the person next to you in...
Be sociable. Speak to the person next to you in the unemployment line tomorrow.

There was a young man from St. Paul's Who read "Harper's...
There was a young man from St. Paul's Who read "Harper's Bazaar" and "McCall's" Till he grew such a passion For feminine fashion That he knitted a snood for his balls.

There was a young man of Australia Who went on a wild...
There was a young man of Australia Who went on a wild bacchanalia. He buggered a frog, Two mice and a dog, And a bishop in fullest regalia.

There was a young man of Belgrade Who remarked, "I'm...
There was a young man of Belgrade Who remarked, "I'm a queer piece of trade. I will suck, without charge, Any cock, if it's large. If it's small, I expect to be paid."