Freebsd Fortunes 3

Five names that I can hardly stand to hear,
Including yours and mine and one more chimp who isn't here,
I can see the ladies talking how the times is gettin' hard,
And that fearsome excavation on Magnolia boulevard,
Yes, I'm goin' insane,
And I'm laughing at the frozen rain,
Well, I'm so alone, honey when they gonna send me home?
        Bad sneakers and a pina colada my friend,
        Stopping on the avenue by Radio City, with a
        Transistor and a large sum of money to spend...
You fellah, you tearin' up the street,
You wear that white tuxedo, how you gonna beat the heat,
Do you take me for a fool, do you think that I don't see,
That ditch out in the Valley that they're diggin' just for me,
Yes, and goin' insane,
You know I'm laughin' at the frozen rain,
Feel like I'm so alone, honey when they gonna send me home?
(chorus)
                -- Bad Sneakers, "Steely Dan"

Five people -- an Englishman, Russian, American, Frenchman and Irishman
were each asked to write a book on elephants.  Some amount of time later they
had all completed their respective books.  The Englishman's book was entitled
"The Elephant -- How to Collect Them", the Russian's "The Elephant -- Vol. I",
the American's "The Elephant -- How to Make Money from Them", the Frenchman's
"The Elephant -- Its Mating Habits" and the Irishman's "The Elephant and
Irish Political History".

Five rules for eternal misery:
        1) Always try to exhort others to look upon you favorably.
        2) Make lots of assumptions about situations and be sure to
           treat these assumptions as though they are reality.
        3) Then treat each new situation as though it's a crisis.
        4) Live in the past and future only (become obsessed with
           how much better things might have been or how much worse
           things might become).
        5) Occasionally stomp on yourself for being so stupid as to
           follow the first four rules.

Flame on!
                -- Johnny Storm

FLANNISTER:
        The plastic yoke that holds a six-pack of beer together.
                -- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends

FLASH!
Intelligence of mankind decreasing.
Details at ... uh, when the little hand is on the ....

Flattery is like cologne -- to be smelled, but not swallowed.
                -- Josh Billings

Flattery will get you everywhere.

Flee at once, all is discovered.

Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself.
                -- Helen Rowland