Freebsd Fortunes 3

He looked at me as if I were a side dish he hadn't ordered.
                -- Ring Lardner

He missed an invaluable opportunity to hold his tongue.
                -- Andrew Lang

He only knew his iron spine held up the sky -- he didn't realize his brain
had fallen to the ground.
                -- The Book of Serenity

(He opens a tolm and begins.)

        It says: "In the beginning was the Word."
        Already I am stopped.  It seems absurd.
        The Word does not deserve the highest prize,
        I must translate it otherwise.
        If I am well inspired and not blind.
        It says: "In the beginning was the Mind."
        Ponder that first line, wait and see,
        Lest you should write too hastily.
        Is the Mind the all-creating source?
        It ought to say: "In the beginning there was Force."
        Yet something warns me as I grasp the pen,
        That my translation must be changed again.
        The spirit helps me.  Now it is exact.
        I write: "In the beginning was the Act."
                -- Goethe's Faust

[He] played the King as if afraid someone else might play the ace.
                -- Unattributed review of a performance of King Lear.

My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.
                -- Peter Stack, movie review

His performance is so wooden you want to spray him with Liquid Pledge.
                -- John Stark, movie review

He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.
                -- John Mason Brown, drama critic

He tells you when you've got on too much lipstick,
And helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.
                -- O. Nash, on the perfect husband

He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.
                -- J.R.R. Tolkien

He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.
                -- Scottish proverb.

He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.
                -- B. Franklin