Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Wednesday May 4, 2016

A lady was seized with intent To revise her existence...
A lady was seized with intent To revise her existence misspent. So she climbed up the dome Of St. Peter's in Rome, Where she stayed through the following Lent. -- Edward Gorey

There once was a boy named Carruthers Who was busily fucking...
There once was a boy named Carruthers Who was busily fucking his mother "I know it's a sin," He said, shoving it in, "But it's better than blowing my brother."

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny. Just to be couth, He added vermouth, And slipped his girlfriend a martini.