Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Thursday May 12, 2016

There once was a man from Sydney Who could put it up to...
There once was a man from Sydney Who could put it up to her kidney. But the man from Quebec Put it up to her neck; He had a big one, now didn't he?

A nurse motivated by spite Tied her infantine charge to...
A nurse motivated by spite Tied her infantine charge to a kite; She launched it with ease On the afternoon breeze, And watched till it flew out of sight. -- Edward Gorey

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

There once was a man from Sandem Who was making his girl on...
There once was a man from Sandem Who was making his girl on a tandem. At the peak of the make She jammed on the brake And scattered his semen at random.

There once was a man named McGruder, Who canoed with a girl...
There once was a man named McGruder, Who canoed with a girl in Bermuder. But the girl thought it crude, To be wooed in the nude, So McGru took an oar and subduder.

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny. Just to be couth, He added vermouth, And slipped his girlfriend a martini.

There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in...
There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in his cave. She was ugly as shit, And missing one tit, But think of the money he saves.

There once was a young man from Yuma Who attempted sex with...
There once was a young man from Yuma Who attempted sex with a puma He gave up real quick Minus nose, toes, and prick In obvious pain and ill huma.

There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that...
There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that it bent. To save himself trouble He put it in double And instead of coming, he went.

There was a young man named Crockett Whose balls got caught...
There was a young man named Crockett Whose balls got caught in a socket. His wife was a bitch, Yeah, she threw the switch, And Crockett went off like a rocket.

There was a young man of Lahore Whose prick was one inch and...
There was a young man of Lahore Whose prick was one inch and no more. It was all right for key-holes And little girl's pee-holes, But not worth a damn with a whore.

There was an old whore in the Azores Whose body was covered...
There was an old whore in the Azores Whose body was covered with festers & sores. Why the dogs in the street Wouldn't eat the green meat That hung in festoons from her drawers.

Q: What's the difference between the 1950's and...
Q: What's the difference between the 1950's and the 1980's? A: In the 80's, a man walks into a drugstore and states loudly, "I'd like some condoms," and then, leaning over the counter, whispers, "and some...