Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday October 22, 2007

He jests at scars who never felt a wound. --...
He jests at scars who never felt a wound. -- Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet, II. 2"

The "cutting edge" is getting rather dull...
The "cutting edge" is getting rather dull. -- Andy Purshottam

A beetling young woman named Pridgets Had a violent abhorrence...
A beetling young woman named Pridgets Had a violent abhorrence of midgets; Off the end of a wharf She once pushed a dwarf Whose truncation reduced her to fidgets. -- Edward Gorey

There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in...
There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in his cave. She was ugly as shit, And missing one tit, But think of the money he saves.

There once was a reverend at Kings Whose mind 'twas on heavenly...
There once was a reverend at Kings Whose mind 'twas on heavenly things. But his heart was on fire For a boy in the choir Whose buns were like jelly on springs.

There once was a whore from Regina Who had a stupendous...
There once was a whore from Regina Who had a stupendous vagina. To save herself time, She had six at a time, And another one working behind her.

There once was a woman from Arden Who sucked off a man in...
There once was a woman from Arden Who sucked off a man in a garden. He said, "My dear Flo, Where does all that stuff go?" And she said, "[Swallow hard] I beg pardon?"

There once was a young fellow named Blaine, And he screwed some...
There once was a young fellow named Blaine, And he screwed some disgusting old jane. She was ugly and smelly, With an awful pot-belly, But... well, they were caught in the rain.

There once was a young girl from Natches Who chanced to be born...
There once was a young girl from Natches Who chanced to be born with two snatches She often said, "Shit! I'd give either tit For a guy with equipment that matches."

There once was a young man from Boston Who drove around town...
There once was a young man from Boston Who drove around town in an Austin, There was room for his ass, And a gallon of gas, So he hung out his balls and he lost 'em.

There once was a young man named Gene, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a young man named Gene, Who invented a screwing machine. Concave and convex, It served either sex, And it played with itself inbetween.

Oh, yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of livin'...
Oh, yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of livin' is gone. -- John Cougar, "Jack and Diane"