Freebsd Fortunes 6

Then there was the ScoutMaster who got a fantastic deal on this case of
Tates brand compasses for his troup; only $1.25 each!  Only problem was,
when they got them out in the woods, the compasses were all stuck pointing
to the "W" on the dial.

Moral:
        He who has a Tates is lost!

"Then you admit confirming not denying you ever said that?"
"NO! ... I mean Yes!  WHAT?"
"I'll put `maybe.'"
                -- Bloom County

Theology is an attempt to explain a subject by men who do not understand
it.  The intent is not to tell the truth but to satisfy the questioner.
                -- Elbert Hubbard

Theorem: a cat has nine tails.
Proof:
        No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat.
        Therefore, a cat has nine tails.

Theorem: All positive integers are equal.
Proof: Sufficient to show that for any two positive integers, A and B, A = B.
        Further, it is sufficient to show that for all N > 0, if A and B
        (positive integers) satisfy (MAX(A, B) = N) then A = B.

Proceed by induction:
        If N = 1, then A and B, being positive integers, must both be 1.
        So A = B.

Assume that the theorem is true for some value k.  Take A and B with
        MAX(A, B) = k+1.  Then  MAX((A-1), (B-1)) = k.  And hence
        (A-1) = (B-1).  Consequently, A = B.

Theorem: All programs are dull.

Proof: Assume the contrary; i.e., the set of interesting programs is
nonempty.  Arrange them (or it) in order of interest (note that all
sets can be well ordered, so do it properly).  The minimal element is
the "least interesting program", the obvious dullness of which provides
the contradictory denouement we so devoutly seek.
                -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"

THEORY:
        System of ideas meant to explain something, chosen with a view to
        originality, controversialism, incomprehensibility, and how good
        it will look in print.

Theory is gray, but the golden tree of life is green.
                -- Goethe

Theory of Selective Supervision:
        The one time in the day that you lean back and relax is
        the one time the boss walks through the office.

There appears before you a threatening figure clad all over in heavy black
armor.  His legs seem like the massive trunk of the oak tree.  His broad
shoulders and helmeted head loom high over your own puny frame and you
realize that his powerful arms could easily crush the very life from your
body.  There hangs from his belt a veritable arsenal of deadly weapons:
sword, mace, ball and chain, dagger, lance, and trident.
He speaks with a commanding voice:

                "YOU SHALL NOT PASS"

As he grabs you by the neck all grows dim about you.