Freebsd Fortunes 6

Symptom:                Floor swaying.
Fault:                  Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey
                        game in progress.
Action Required:        Insert broom handle down back of jacket.

Symptom:                Everything has gone dim, strange taste of peanuts
                        and pretzels or cigarette butts in mouth.
Fault:                  You have fallen forward.
Action Required:        See above.

Symptom:                Opposite wall covered with acoustic tile and several
                        flourescent light strips.
Fault:                  You have fallen over backward.
Action Required:        If your glass is full and no one is standing on your
                        drinking arm, stay put.  If not, get someone to help
                        you get up, lash yourself to bar.

                -- Bar Troubleshooting

Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon.
                -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982

System checkpoint complete.

System going down at 1:45 this afternoon for disk crashing.

System going down at 5 this afternoon to install scheduler bug.

System going down in 5 minutes.

System restarting, wait...

System/3!  System/3!
See how it runs! See how it runs!
        Its monitor loses so totally!
        It runs all its programs in RPG!
        It's made by our favorite monopoly!
System/3!

SYSTEM-INDEPENDENT:
        Works equally poorly on all systems.

Systems have sub-systems and sub-systems have sub-systems and so on ad
infinitum -- which is why we're always starting over.
                -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982