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The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that
carries any reward.
-- John Maynard Keynes
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The bank called to tell me that I'm overdrawn,
Some freaks are burning crosses out on my front lawn,
And I *can't*believe* it, all the Cheetos are gone,
It's just ONE OF THOSE DAYS!
-- Weird Al Yankovic, "One of Those Days"
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The bank sent our statement this morning,
The red ink was a sight of great awe!
Their figures and mine might have balanced,
But my wife was too quick on the draw.
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The basic idea behind malls is that they are more convenient than cities.
Cities contain streets, which are dangerous and crowded and difficult to
park in. Malls, on the other hand, have parking lots, which are also
dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in, but -- here is the big
difference -- in mall parking lots, THERE ARE NO RULES. You're allowed to
do anything. You can drive as fast as you want in any direction you want.
I was once driving in a mall parking lot when my car was struck by a pickup
truck being driven backward by a squat man with a tattoo that said "Charlie"
on his forearm, who got out and explained to me, in great detail, why the
accident was my fault, his reasoning being that he was violent and muscular,
whereas I was neither. This kind of reasoning is legally valid in mall
-- Dave Barry
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The bay-trees in our country are all wither'd
And meteors fright the fixed stars of heaven;
The pale-faced moon looks bloody on the earth
And lean-look'd prophets whisper fearful change.
These signs forerun the death or fall of kings.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Richard II"
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Paul McCartney's old back-up band.
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The beauty of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder.
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The beer-cooled computer does not harm the ozone layer.
-- John M. Ford, a.k.a. Dr. Mike
[If I can read my notes from the Ask Dr. Mike session at Baycon, I
believe he added that the beer-cooled computer uses "Forget Only
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The best audience is intelligent, well-educated and a little drunk.
-- Maurice Baring
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The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland";
but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.