Freebsd Fortunes 6

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
                -- Steven Wright

The other line moves faster.

The owner of a large furniture store in the mid-west arrived in France on
a buying trip.  As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance
with a beautiful young lady.  However, she only spoke French and he only spoke
English, so each couldn't understand a word the other spoke.  He took out a
pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a coach.  She smiled, nodded her
head and they went for a ride in the park.  Later, he drew a picture of a
table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded, so they went to
dinner.  After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted.  They
went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious
evening.  It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew
a picture of a four-poster bed.  He was dumbfounded, and to this day has
never be able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture business.

The part of the world that people find most puzzling is the part called "Me".

The party adjourned to a hot tub, yes.  Fully clothed, I might add.
                -- IBM employee, testifying in California State Supreme Court

The passionate young thing was having a difficult time getting across what
she wanted from her rather dense boyfriend.  Finally she asked,
        "Would you like to see where I was operated on for appendicitis?"
        "Gosh, no!" he replied.  "I hate hospitals."

The past always looks better than it was.
It's only pleasant because it isn't here.
                -- Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley)

The people sensible enough to give
good advice are usually sensible enough to give none.

The perfect friend sees the best in you -- sees it constantly --
not just when you occasionally are that way, but also when you
waver, when you forget yourself, act like less than you are.
In time, you become more like his vision of you -- which is the
person you have always wanted to be.
                -- Nancy Friday

The perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 A.M.
                -- Charles Pierce