Freebsd Fortunes 6: 338 of 2171 |
The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from
one graveyard to another.
-- J. Frank Dobie, "A Texan in England"
|
|
|
Freebsd Fortunes 6: 339 of 2171 |
The average woman must inevitably view her actual husband with a certain
disdain; he is anything but her ideal. In consequence, she cannot help
feeling that her children are cruelly handicapped by the fact that he is
their father.
-- Mencken
|
|
|
Freebsd Fortunes 6: 340 of 2171 |
The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned
into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.
-- Nelson Algren, "Writers at Work"
|
|
|
Freebsd Fortunes 6: 341 of 2171 |
The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that
carries any reward.
-- John Maynard Keynes
|
|
|
Freebsd Fortunes 6: 342 of 2171 |
The bank called to tell me that I'm overdrawn,
Some freaks are burning crosses out on my front lawn,
And I *can't*believe* it, all the Cheetos are gone,
It's just ONE OF THOSE DAYS!
-- Weird Al Yankovic, "One of Those Days"
|
|
|
Freebsd Fortunes 6: 343 of 2171 |
The bank sent our statement this morning,
The red ink was a sight of great awe!
Their figures and mine might have balanced,
But my wife was too quick on the draw.
|
|
|
Freebsd Fortunes 6: 344 of 2171 |
The basic idea behind malls is that they are more convenient than cities.
Cities contain streets, which are dangerous and crowded and difficult to
park in. Malls, on the other hand, have parking lots, which are also
dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in, but -- here is the big
difference -- in mall parking lots, THERE ARE NO RULES. You're allowed to
do anything. You can drive as fast as you want in any direction you want.
I was once driving in a mall parking lot when my car was struck by a pickup
truck being driven backward by a squat man with a tattoo that said "Charlie"
on his forearm, who got out and explained to me, in great detail, why the
accident was my fault, his reasoning being that he was violent and muscular,
whereas I was neither. This kind of reasoning is legally valid in mall
parking lots.
-- Dave Barry
|
|
|
Freebsd Fortunes 6: 345 of 2171 |
The bay-trees in our country are all wither'd
And meteors fright the fixed stars of heaven;
The pale-faced moon looks bloody on the earth
And lean-look'd prophets whisper fearful change.
These signs forerun the death or fall of kings.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Richard II"
|
|
|
Freebsd Fortunes 6: 346 of 2171 |
THE BEATLES:
Paul McCartney's old back-up band.
|
|
|
Freebsd Fortunes 6: 347 of 2171 |
The beauty of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder.
|
|