Humor: Best of Fortunes for Saturday November 1, 2014

"I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some...
"I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get."

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

Some primal termite knocked on wood. And tasted it, and found...
Some primal termite knocked on wood. And tasted it, and found it good. And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today. -- Ogden Nash