Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of April, 2017

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There was a young lady from Wheeling Who had a peculiar...
There was a young lady from Wheeling Who had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back And tickled her crack And pissed all over the ceiling.




"Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear...
"Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon."

2180, U.S. History question: What 20th Century U.S...
2180, U.S. History question: What 20th Century U.S. President was almost impeached and what office did he later hold?

A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end...
A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

DELETE A FORTUNE! Don't some of these fortunes just drive...
DELETE A FORTUNE! Don't some of these fortunes just drive you nuts?! Wouldn't you like to see some of them deleted from the system? You can! Just mail to "fortune" with the fortune you hate most, and we MIGHT make sure it gets expunged.

To A Quick Young Fox: Why jog exquisite bulk, fond crazy...
To A Quick Young Fox: Why jog exquisite bulk, fond crazy vamp, Daft buxom jonquil, zephyr's gawky vice? Guy fed by work, quiz Jove's xanthic lamp -- Zow! Qualms by deja vu gyp fox-kin thrice. -- Lazy Dog

In order to discover who you are, first learn who everybody...
In order to discover who you are, first learn who everybody else is; you're what's left.