Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of December, 2017

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

A studious professor named Nestor Bet a whore all his books...
A studious professor named Nestor Bet a whore all his books that he could best her. But she drained out his balls And skipped up the walls, Beseeching poor Nestor to rest her.

There was a gay countess of Bray, And you may think it odd when...
There was a gay countess of Bray, And you may think it odd when I say, That in spite of high station, Rank and education, She always spelled cunt with a 'k'.

There was a young man of Devizes Whose balls were of different...
There was a young man of Devizes Whose balls were of different sizes. His tool when at ease, Hung down to his knees, Oh, what must it be when it rises!

There was a young man of high station Who was found by a pious...
There was a young man of high station Who was found by a pious relation Making love in a ditch To -- I won't say a bitch -- But a woman of no reputation.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun...
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. -- Mark Twain

Dear Lord: I just want *one* one-armed manager so...
Dear Lord: I just want *one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On the other hand", again.

God doesn't play dice. -- Albert Einstein
God doesn't play dice. -- Albert Einstein

Pittsburgh Driver's Test (7) The car directly in front of...
Pittsburgh Driver's Test (7) The car directly in front of you has a flashing right tail light but a steady left tail light. This means (a) one of the tail lights is broken; you should blow your horn to call the problem to...

When a Banker jumps out of a window, jump after him -- that's...
When a Banker jumps out of a window, jump after him -- that's where the money is. -- Robespierre