Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of October, 2017

Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.

There once was a man from Madras, Whose balls were made out...
There once was a man from Madras, Whose balls were made out of brass. When they clanged together, They played "Stormy Weather", And lightning shot out of his ass.

There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in...
There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in his cave. She was ugly as shit, And missing one tit, But think of the money he saves.

There once was a young man from France Who waited ten years...
There once was a young man from France Who waited ten years for his chance; Then he muffed it...

There once was an old man from Esser, Who's knowledge grew...
There once was an old man from Esser, Who's knowledge grew lesser and lesser. It at last grew so small, He knew nothing at all, And now he's a College Professor.

There was a young woman from Bude, Who went for a swim in...
There was a young woman from Bude, Who went for a swim in the nude, But a man in a punt, Grabbed at her elbow, And said "Hey, lady, you can't swim here, it's private property."

But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade?
But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade?

"Arguments with furniture are rarely productive." ...
"Arguments with furniture are rarely productive." -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"

"Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!" ...
"Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!" <huff, huff>

"I know not with what weapons World War III will...
"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones." -- Albert Einstein