Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of September, 2017

A cautious young fellow named Lodge, Had seatbelts installed...
A cautious young fellow named Lodge, Had seatbelts installed in his Dodge. With his date all strapped in He committed a sin Without even leaving the garage. -- "A Boy and His Dog"

A clever young man named Eugene Invented a jack-off machine...
A clever young man named Eugene Invented a jack-off machine. On the twenty-third stroke The fuckin' thing broke And beat both his balls to a creame.

An impotent Scot named MacDougall Had to husband his sperm...
An impotent Scot named MacDougall Had to husband his sperm and be frugal. He was gathering semen To gender a he-man, By screwing his wife through a bugle.

There once was a bishop from Birmingham Who deflowered young...
There once was a bishop from Birmingham Who deflowered young girls while confirming 'em. As they knelt on the hassock He lifted his cassock And slipped his episcopal worm in 'em.

There once was a young man from Boston Who drove around town...
There once was a young man from Boston Who drove around town in an Austin, There was room for his ass, And a gallon of gas, So he hung out his balls and he lost 'em.

There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long...
There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, While wiping his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

There was a young woman of Croft Who played with herself in...
There was a young woman of Croft Who played with herself in a loft, Having reasoned that candles Could never cause scandals, Besides which they did not go soft. Said another young woman of Croft, Amusing herself in the loft, ...

"Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people;...
"Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people; from Presidents and Kings to the scum of the earth ..."

"There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do...
"There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum." -- Arthur C. Clarke

"What I've done, of course, is total garbage." ...
"What I've done, of course, is total garbage." -- R. Willard, Pure Math 430a