Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of March, 2017

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

What makes the universe so hard to comprehend is that there's...
What makes the universe so hard to comprehend is that there's nothing to compare it with.

There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in...
There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in his cave. She was ugly as shit, And missing one tit, But think of the money he saves.

There was a young girl of Angina Who stretched catgut across...
There was a young girl of Angina Who stretched catgut across her vagina. From the love-making frock (With the proper sized cock) Came Toccata and Fugue in D minor.

"Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it." ...
"Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it." -- Marvin, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

"What I've done, of course, is total garbage." ...
"What I've done, of course, is total garbage." -- R. Willard, Pure Math 430a

"What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING...
"What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?" -- Bertold Brecht

2180, U.S. History question: What 20th Century U.S...
2180, U.S. History question: What 20th Century U.S. President was almost impeached and what office did he later hold?

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on...
A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. -- Carl Sandburg

A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end...
A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.