Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of July, 2021

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

"But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global...
"But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws."

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain...
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." -- Benjamin Franklin, 1759

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

Buzz off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes Of hateful soreness,...
Buzz off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes Of hateful soreness, purge mine ears of corn; Less dear than army ants in apple pies Art thou, old prune-face, with thy chestnuts worn, Dropt from thy peeling lips like lousy fruit; Like honeybees upon...

Technological progress has merely provided us with more...
Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards. -- Aldous Huxley

Two parent drops spent months teaching their son how to be part...
Two parent drops spent months teaching their son how to be part of the ocean. After months of training, the father drop commented to the mother drop, "We've taught our boy everything we know, he's fit to be tide." After Snow White used...

He who hates vices hates mankind.
He who hates vices hates mankind.

The Encyclopaedia Galactica defines a robot as a mechanical...
The Encyclopaedia Galactica defines a robot as a mechanical apparatus designed to do the work of a man. The marketing division of Sirius Cybernetics Corporation defines a robot as 'Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun To Be With'. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to...

The Least Successful Animal Rescue The firemen's strike...
The Least Successful Animal Rescue The firemen's strike of 1978 made possible one of the great animal rescue attempts of all time. Valiantly, the British Army had taken over emergency firefighting and on 14 January they were called out by...