Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of June, 2021

There once was a lifeguard named Lee Who rescued a girl from...
There once was a lifeguard named Lee Who rescued a girl from the sea She asked how to pay, And he said "Try this way, Go down for the third time on me."

"When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose...
"When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo tactics *with* Gestapo tactics?" -- Reuben Flagg

101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR (1) Scarecrow...
101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR (1) Scarecrow for centipedes (2) Dead cat brush (3) Hair barrettes (4) Cleats (5) Self-piercing earrings (6) Fungus trellis (7) False eyelashes (8) ...

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

I'm going to give my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm...
I'm going to give my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes. -- Woody Allen

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being but...
The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being but to remind him that he is already degraded. -- George Orwell

The fact that hitler was a politcal genius unmasks the nature...
The fact that hitler was a politcal genius unmasks the nature of politics in general as no other can. -- Wilhelm Reich

The rich get rich, and the poor get poorer. The haves get more,...
The rich get rich, and the poor get poorer. The haves get more, the have-nots die.

Unix gives you just enough rope to hang yourself -- and then...
Unix gives you just enough rope to hang yourself -- and then a couple of more feet, just to be sure. -- Eric Allman ... We make rope. -- Rob Gingell on Sun Microsystem's new virtual memory.

We are Microsoft. Unix is irrelevant. Openness is futile...
We are Microsoft. Unix is irrelevant. Openness is futile. Prepare to be assimilated.