Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of March, 2021

It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that...
It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair. -- George Burns

There once was a young man from France Who waited ten years...
There once was a young man from France Who waited ten years for his chance; Then he muffed it...

There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that...
There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that it bent. To save himself trouble He put it in double And instead of coming, he went.

While Titian was mixing rose madder, His model reclined on...
While Titian was mixing rose madder, His model reclined on a ladder. Her position to Titian Suggested coition, So he leapt up the ladder and had 'er.

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

Since I hurt my pendulum My life is all erratic. My parrot,...
Since I hurt my pendulum My life is all erratic. My parrot, who was cordial, Is now transmitting static. The carpet died, a palm collapsed, The cat keeps doing poo. The only thing that keeps me sane Is talking to my shoe. -- My Shoe

May a hundred thousand midgets invade your home singing cheezy...
May a hundred thousand midgets invade your home singing cheezy lounge-lizard versions of songs from The Wizard of Oz.

Queensboro president Donald Mannis, charged with receiving...
Queensboro president Donald Mannis, charged with receiving bribes in exchange for city contracts, resigned on Tuesday. Mannis feels he must devote more time to impending litigation, some of which might eminate from a recent statement he made comparing...

Saints should always be judged guilty until they are proved...
Saints should always be judged guilty until they are proved innocent. -- George Orwell, "Reflections on Gandhi"

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold...
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently. -- Nietzsche