Humor: Best of Fortunes for Tuesday January 2, 2024

There once was a lady named Clair, Who posessed a magnificent...
There once was a lady named Clair, Who posessed a magnificent pair. Or that's what I thought, Till I saw one get caught, On a thorn and begin losing air.

They had come in the fugue to the stretto When a dark, bearded...
They had come in the fugue to the stretto When a dark, bearded man from a ghetto Slipped forward and grabbed Her tresses and stabbed Her to death with a rusty stiletto. -- Edward Gorey

Chemistry is applied theology. -- Augustus...
Chemistry is applied theology. -- Augustus Stanley Owsley III

Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitos...
Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants, I come before you to stand behind you To tell you of something I know nothing about. Next Thursday (which is good Friday), There will be a convention held in the Women's...

Lady, lady, should you meet One whose ways are...
Lady, lady, should you meet One whose ways are all discreet, One who murmurs that his wife Is the lodestar of his life, One who keeps assuring you That he never was untrue, Never loved another one... Lady, lady, better run! -- Dorothy...

Ladybug, ladybug, Look to your stern! Your house is...
Ladybug, ladybug, Look to your stern! Your house is on fire, Your children will burn! So jump ye and sing, for The very first time The four lines above Have been put into rhyme. -- Walt Kelly

Latin is a language, As dead as can be. First it killed...
Latin is a language, As dead as can be. First it killed the Romans, And now it's killing me.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments...
Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark, That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every...

Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets, The muttering...
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets, The muttering retreats Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells: Streets that follow like a tedious argument Of insidious intent To lead you to...