Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of August, 2024

A beat schizophrenic said, "Me? I am not I, I'm...
A beat schizophrenic said, "Me? I am not I, I'm a tree." But another, more sane, Shouted, "I'm a Great Dane!" And covered his pants leg with pee.

A newlywed couple from Goshen Spent their honeymoon sailing...
A newlywed couple from Goshen Spent their honeymoon sailing the ocean. In twenty-eight days They got laid eighty ways -- Imagine such fucking devotion!

There once was a young man from Boston Who drove around town...
There once was a young man from Boston Who drove around town in an Austin, There was room for his ass, And a gallon of gas, So he hung out his balls and he lost 'em.

There was a young fellow of Harrow Whose john was the size of...
There was a young fellow of Harrow Whose john was the size of a marrow. He said to his tart, "How's this for a start? My balls are outside in a barrow."

There was a young man of Devizes, Whose balls were of different...
There was a young man of Devizes, Whose balls were of different sizes. One was so small, It was nothing at all; The other took numerous prizes.

A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real...
A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine. -- Bill Cain, "Stand Up Tragedy"

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

The polite thing to do has always been to address people...
The polite thing to do has always been to address people as they wish to be addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified. But it is equally important to accept and tolerate different standards of courtesy, not expecting everyone else to adapt...

Higgeldy Piggeldy, Hamlet of Elsinore Ruffled the critics...
Higgeldy Piggeldy, Hamlet of Elsinore Ruffled the critics by Dropping this bomb: "Phooey on Freud and his Psychoanalysis, Oedipus, Shmoedipus, I just loved Mom."

In the long run we are all dead. -- John...
In the long run we are all dead. -- John Maynard Keynes