Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of July, 2024

A [golf] ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have...
A [golf] ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place in a scientific game. The player should estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and play...

There once was a queen of Bulgaria Whose bush had grown hairier...
There once was a queen of Bulgaria Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier, Till a prince from Peru Who came up for a screw Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.

There was a young lady named Nelly Whose tits would jiggle like...
There was a young lady named Nelly Whose tits would jiggle like jelly. They could tickle her twat Or be tied in a knot, And could even swat flies on her belly.

A Linux machine! because a 486 is a terrible thing...
A Linux machine! because a 486 is a terrible thing to waste! (By jjs@wintermute.ucr.edu, Joe Sloan)

"It's not just a computer -- it's your ass." ...
"It's not just a computer -- it's your ass." -- Cal Keegan

Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has...
Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis. It makes sense, when you don't think about it.

The first time, it's a KLUDGE! The second, a trick. Later, it's...
The first time, it's a KLUDGE! The second, a trick. Later, it's a well-established technique! -- Mike Broido, Intermetrics

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======================================================================= || || || The FORTUNE-COOKIE program is soon to be a Major Motion Picture! || || Watch for it at a theater...

Boob's Law: You always find something in the last place...
Boob's Law: You always find something in the last place you look.

Conquering Russia should be done steppe by steppe.
Conquering Russia should be done steppe by steppe.