Humor: Best of Fortunes for Tuesday January 30, 2024

There once was a man with a hernia Who said to his doctor,...
There once was a man with a hernia Who said to his doctor, "Gol dern ya, When you work on my middle Be sure you don't fiddle With things that do not concern ya."

There was a young lady named Mandel Who caused quite...
There was a young lady named Mandel Who caused quite a neighborhood scandal By coming out bare On the main village square And frigging herself with a candle.

There was a young peasant named Gorse Who fell madly in love...
There was a young peasant named Gorse Who fell madly in love with his horse. Said his wife, "You rapscallion, That horse is a stallion -- This constitutes grounds for divorce."

"A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians...
"A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to admit, let alone discuss with prospective clients. Still, the fact remains that there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one reason or another, completely immune...

"How do you know she is a unicorn?" Molly demanded...
"How do you know she is a unicorn?" Molly demanded. "And why were you afraid to let her touch you? I saw you. You were afraid of her." "I doubt that I will feel like talking for very long," the cat replied without...

A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been...
A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been universally established as the amount of magic needed to create one small white pigeon or three normal sized billiard balls. -- Terry Pratchett, "The Light Fantastic"

Chaos is King and Magic is loose in the world.
Chaos is King and Magic is loose in the world.

Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they become soggy...
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they become soggy and hard to light. Do not throw cigarette butts in the urinal, for they are subtle and quick to anger.

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law...
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. -- Aleister Crowley