Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of September, 2024

There was a young man from East Lizes Whose balls were of...
There was a young man from East Lizes Whose balls were of two different sizes One was so small It was no ball at all The other was large and won prizes.

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

A CS student named Lin Had a prick the size of a pin...
A CS student named Lin Had a prick the size of a pin It was no good for girls But just great for squirrels Who squealed with delight with it in.

A beat schizophrenic said, "Me? I am not I, I'm...
A beat schizophrenic said, "Me? I am not I, I'm a tree." But another, more sane, Shouted, "I'm a Great Dane!" And covered his pants leg with pee.

A certain young man, it was noted, Went about in the heat...
A certain young man, it was noted, Went about in the heat thickly-coated; He said, "You may scoff, But I shan't take it off; Underneath I am horribly bloated." -- Edward Gorey

From deep in the crypt at St. Giles Came a bellow that echoed...
From deep in the crypt at St. Giles Came a bellow that echoed for miles. Said the rector, "My gracious, Has Father Ignatius Forgotten the Bishop has piles!?"

There once was a bishop from Birmingham Who deflowered young...
There once was a bishop from Birmingham Who deflowered young girls while confirming 'em. As they knelt on the hassock He lifted his cassock And slipped his episcopal worm in 'em.

There once was a lawyer named Rex With minuscule organs...
There once was a lawyer named Rex With minuscule organs of sex. Arraigned for exposure, He maintained with composure, "De minimis non curat lex." [Trans: the law does not concern itself with small things. Ed.]

There was a young belle of old Natchez Whose garments were...
There was a young belle of old Natchez Whose garments were always in patchez. When comment arose On the state of her clothes She, drawled, "When ah itchez, ah scratchez."

There was a young man from Dundee Who buggered an ape in...
There was a young man from Dundee Who buggered an ape in a tree. The results were quite horrid: All ass and no forehead, Three balls and a purple goatee.