Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday January 20, 2025

You know you've been spending too much time on the computer...
You know you've been spending too much time on the computer when your friend misdates a check, and you suggest adding a "++" to fix it.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding...
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. -- Dean Martin

A corpulent maiden named Kroll Had a notion exceedingly droll: ...
A corpulent maiden named Kroll Had a notion exceedingly droll: At a masquerade ball, Dressed in nothing at all, She backed in as a Parker House roll.

A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison And had an affair...
A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison And had an affair with a Saracen. She was not oversexed, Or jealous or vexed, She just wanted to make a comparison.

There once was a bishop from Birmingham Who deflowered young...
There once was a bishop from Birmingham Who deflowered young girls while confirming 'em. As they knelt on the hassock He lifted his cassock And slipped his episcopal worm in 'em.

Hacker's Guide To Cooking: 2 pkg. cream cheese (the mushy white...
Hacker's Guide To Cooking: 2 pkg. cream cheese (the mushy white stuff in silver wrappings that doesn't really come from Philadelphia after all; anyway, about 16 oz.) 1 tsp. vanilla extract (which is more alcohol than vanilla and pretty ...