Freebsd Fortunes 3

Groundhog Day has been observed only once in Los Angeles because when the
groundhog came out of its hole, it was killed by a mudslide.
                -- Johnny Carson

Grover Cleveland, though constantly at loggerheads with the Senate, got on
better with the House of Representatives.  A popular story circulating
during his presidency concerned the night he was roused by his wife crying,
"Wake up!  I think there are burglars in the house."
        "No, no, my dear," said the president sleepily, "in the Senate
maybe, but not in the House."

Growing old isn't bad when you consider the alternatives.
                -- Maurice Chevalier

Grownups are reluctant to take science fiction seriously, and with good
reason: sci-fi is a hormonal activity, not a literary one.  Its traditional
concerns are all pubescent.  Secondary sexual characteristics are everywhere,
disguised.  Aliens have tentacles.  Telepathy allows you to have sex without
any nasty inconvenience of touching.  Womblike spaceships provide balanced
meals.  No one ever has to grow old -- body parts are replaceable, like
Job's daughters, and if you're lucky you can become a robot.  As for the
adult world, it's simply not there; political systems tend to be naively
authoritarian (there are more lords in science fiction than on public
television) and are often ruled by young boys on quests.  The most popular
sci-fi book in years, Frank Herbert's Dune, sold millions of copies by
combining all these themes: it ends with its adolescent hero conquering the
universe while straddling a giant worm.
                -- Arnold Klein

Grub first, then ethics.
                -- Bertolt Brecht

GUILLOTINE:
        A French chopping center.

Gumperson's Law:
        The probability of a given event
        occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

Guns don't kill people.  Bullets kill people.

Gunter's Airborne Discoveries:
        (1)  When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft,
             the aircraft will encounter turbulence.
        (2)  The strength of the turbulence
             is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.

GURMLISH:
        The red warning flag at the top of a club sandwich which prevents
        the person from biting into it and puncturing the roof of his mouth.
                -- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends