Freebsd Fortunes 3

He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.

He thinks the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.
                -- Wanda, "A Fish Called Wanda"

He thought he saw an albatross
That fluttered 'round the lamp.
He looked again and saw it was
A penny postage stamp.
"You'd best be getting home," he said,
"The nights are rather damp."

He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than
three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked.
In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by
slashing his abdomen with a knife.  Just as the pupil was about to comply,
the Master stayed his hand, saying, "That is the 'Body of a rock'."
                -- Eric Van Lustbader

[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had
a complete set.
                -- Ring Lardner

He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.

He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land.  He loved it so much he
made a woman out of dirt and married her.  But when he kissed her, she
disintegrated.  Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to
dust," some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them.  At his hanging, he
told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven -- with a gun."
                -- Jack Handey

He was part of my dream, of course --
but then I was part of his dream too.
                -- Lewis Carroll

He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.

He was the sort of person whose personality
would be greatly improved by a terminal illness.