Freebsd Fortunes 5

On his way back from work, a driver came upon a horrible wreck in which one
car looked exactly like his neighbor's.  Stopping hurriedly on the side of
the road, he ran toward the smoldering debris.
        "Listen, mister," a policeman said, holding him back, "I can't let
you come any closer."
        "But that may be my friend, Henry, in there," the anguished man
explained.
        "OK, but it's pretty grisly," the cop cautioned.  "There was a
decapitation."
        The policeman reached into the back seat of the demolished car and
pulled forth the head, holding it at arm's length.  "Is this your friend?"
        "That's not him -- thank heavens," the man said.  "Henry's much
taller."

On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the
proposition that all men are created jerks.
                -- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"

On Thanksgiving Day all over America, families sit down to dinner at the
same moment -- halftime.

On the eighth day, God created FORTRAN.

On the night before her family moved from Kansas to California, the little
girl knelt by her bed to say her prayers.  "God bless Mommy and Daddy and
Keith and Kim," she said.  As she began to get up, she quickly added, "Oh,
and God, this is goodbye.  We're moving to Hollywood."

On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a POINT.

On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without
a purpose, but never without a POINT.

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.
                -- W.C. Fields' epitaph

On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!], "Pray, Mr.
Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers
come out?"  I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of
ideas that could provoke such a question.
                -- Charles Babbage

Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew,
and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.
                -- W.C. Fields, "My Little Chickadee"