Freebsd Fortunes 5

Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves to
spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate
that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person
on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in fact what you are
thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a lifeboat, the other
passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of the first day even if they
have plenty of food and water.
                -- Dave Barry

PURGE COMPLETE.

PURITAN:
        Someone who is deathly afraid that
        someone, somewhere, is having fun.

Puritanism -- the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
                -- H.L. Mencken, "A Book of Burlesques"

PURPITATION:
        To take something off the grocery shelf, decide you
        don't want it, and then put it in another section.
                -- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends

Push where it gives and scratch where it itches.

Pushing 30 is exercise enough.

Pushing forty is exercise enough.

Put a pot of chili on the stove to simmer.
Let it simmer.  Meanwhile, broil a good steak.
Eat the steak.  Let the chili simmer.  Ignore it.
                -- Recipe for chili from Allan Shrivers, former governor
                   of Texas.

Put a rogue in the limelight and he will act like an honest man.
                -- Napoleon Bonaparte, "Maxims"