Freebsd Fortunes 5

Q:      How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:      Three.  One to report it as an inspired government program to bring
        light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot
        to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a Pulitzer prize for
        reporting that Electric Company hired a lightbulb-assassin to break
        the bulb in the first place.

Q:      How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:      One.  Only it's his light bulb when he's done.

Q:      How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:      Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed
from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed
upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of
the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating
at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of
the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the
second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the
parties.
        The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be
limited to, the following.  The party of the first part shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other
means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party
of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered
non-negotiable.  Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall
have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner
consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part
shall have the option of beginning installation.  Aforesaid installation shall
occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in
step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation
should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the
first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to
produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.

Q:      How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:      You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb.  Now, if
        you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...

Q:      How many marketing people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:      I'll have to get back to you on that.

Q:      How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:      None:  The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

Q:      How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:      One.  He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem
        to the earlier joke.

Q:      How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a
        light bulb?
A:      Seven.  Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in
        the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send
        Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he'll immediately claim
        that he's a doctor, not an electrician).  Scotty, after checking
        around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains
        that he "canna" see in the dark.  Kirk will make an emergency stop at
        the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb
        from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something.
        Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers
        beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply
        killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured.
        As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand,
        Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must
        warp out of orbit.  Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon
        and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have
        just saved the natives' from an awful fate and, as a reward, been
        given all lightbulbs they can carry.  The new bulb is then inserted
        and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.

Q:      How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light
                bulb?
A:      Three.  One to do it, one to watch, and the third to shoot the
                witness.

Q:      How many pre-med's does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:      Five:  One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder
        out from under him.